Since me and my fiancé have been together, I have had a mixed reaction to telling people about his bipolar disorder. There are the people who think how wonderful it is that we work through it together and find me very supportive. Then there are the people who think I am nuts for “putting up” with him. Those people usually tell me, “You can’t fix him,” and I usually laugh right then and there. Because first, he doesn’t need to be fixed (no one does) and second, how dare they assume that by me loving him I am trying to “fix” him.
The people who tell me this usually have no idea what bipolar disorder really is. They mostly likely think he switches moods every hour. But that’s okay if they don’t understand it. What makes it awful is they try to judge our lives from one small portion of it. If they took the chance to know us and our story, they would change their minds.
I never sought out to fix him. I wanted to help him in whatever way I could. If it means looking for a new doctor, looking up research involving his medicine, finding studies that relate to him, then I do it. I study Psychology at university, so I have some great resources. But the one thing I never do is diagnosis him or treat him. Because for starters I literally can’t, I have no license to do so, and second, you shouldn’t ever treat family or loved ones. So by me helping him through this, I’m not fixing him, I’m being the support he has needed.
The things I help him through are things any person would do, regardless of what they study. It benefits that I know more about mental health than the average person, but it doesn’t make me an expert or his doctor. I’m just his educated spouse. The things I study and advocate for, are not only for him, but the whole mental health community. I see it first hand and I know the changes the community needs. That is why I started this blog.
There is a saying, “Don’t fix it, if it isn’t broken.” and I think that applies to this case. My fiancé is not broken, so he doesn’t need to be fixed. To whoever out there thinking I’m wrong, that I’m treating him like a patient, I’m sorry for you. I’m sorry you never took the time to understand our story. Maybe now you will understand